You leave my momma out of this!
by ASGT and Kat Maximoff
Summary: The Brotherhood and the Acolytes find ways to amuse themselves during a storm over at the X Mansion. What started as a friendly bickering between Evan and Pietro soon becomes a full fleged war. Some jokes are just not to be said in the company of Kurt.


** You leave my mama outta this!  
  
Disclaimer: Sorry, Mike, but Randal told me not to fraternize with victims of his evil plot.**

* * *

What had promised to be one of the biggest confrontations of the X-Men's 2 year history took a drastic turn one Saturday morning. They were to square off with the Brotherhood and the Acolytes later, because Xavier and Magneto had gotten into a fight about who was supposed to bring the chessboard to their weekly match. So far, the score was Xavier 42 to Magneto's 41. Magneto was SUPPOSED to bring the chessboard, but Xavier had failed to remind him with a friendly email. But that is for another time, yes, another time.  
  
And naturally, Pietro, who had had that annoying talent to shift back and forth between the Acolytes and the Brotherhood, wound up getting the Brotherhood involved. It was a small miracle that he hadn't gotten the Bayville Hawks football team, S.H.I.E.L.D, and the Phoenix involved in this. But in a way, he did get Phoenix involved. But that is not my story to tell.  
  
So, where was I? Oh, yes. The Saturday morning had dawned bright and early with a termendious rainstorm. The resident Snowplow, oh, I'm sorry, I mean Weather Witch however, refused to lighten the storm, believing that nature has every right to take it's course. And Bayville was in the middle of a drought, so the rain was welcome.  
  
"What are we going to do now?" Scott complained, looking at the rest of his team mates.  
  
"It's raining," Evan commented.  
  
"Thank you Captain Obvious," Kitty rolled her eyes at the 'kewl sk8r boi,' and sighed heavily. They were all gathered in the foyer, waiting for word from Xavier about what was going to happen.  
  
"No problem, K-Girl, just doing my civic duty," Evan said, turning to face Kitty and mock saluted him.  
  
"Can't you like, go and trash a skate rarp or something?" Kitty asked.  
  
"It's skate _ramp_ and no, I can't, the concrete is wet," Evan replied.  
  
"Well, then, kin ya'll jus' shut up?" Rogue asked, turning from her seat on the window, where she was perched alternating between reading The Torn Skirt and watching the rain slide down the window.  
  
"Thank you, Rogue," Jean said, looking up from her Calculus book where she was studying hard. "Best idea I think you've ever had."  
  
"Besides joining us, ja?" Kurt asked, wrapping his arm around Rogue lovingly. Rogue shoved him off.  
  
"Any word, Logan?" Scott asked, looking up at Logan as he entered the room with Ororo.  
  
"Apparently Chuck told the Acolytes and the Brotherhood to come here an' solve this in a 'peaceful manner.' I highly doubt Pyro would know what peacefull would be if it bit him in the--"  
  
"As you were saying?" Ororo said, setting Logan back on track.  
  
"We're supposed ta figure this out nice and civilized like," Logan finished.  
  
"Those Brotherhood Boys aren't civilized! None of them are!" Scott said, taking a stand. Rogue cleared her throat loudly.  
  
"Oh contraire," A voice said, right next to the door. "Remy's quite de gentleman."  
  
"Remy!" Rogue shot up and took across the room to hugging him.  
  
"What?!?" Logan sputtered, looking at Rogue hugging Remy, and Remy hugging her back.  
  
"Apparently someone, like, made a new friend," Kitty commented, giggling.  
  
"Have you all forgotten that we're here, or did you just not realize that we're supplying the toast?" An Australian accent came at them.  
  
"You brought beer? Exelent!" Logan rubbed his hands together.  
  
"No, toast. Toast as in... Oh, bloody hell, I don't know what I'm talkin' about," John said, sitting down on the couch between a disgruntled Jean and Evan.  
  
"Neither do we," Jean said, standing up and taking her books with her.  
  
"Someone's sufferin' from T.U.T.A syndrome," John notted.  
  
"What's that?" Evan asked out of curiosity.  
  
"Thong up the ass syndrome," Pyro explained.  
  
"Oh, yeah," Evan nodded, then whispered to Pyro; "I think Scott is suffering from it too." This caused both of them to break out in laughter.  
  
"Vhen is de Brotherhood getting here?" Piotr asked, looking at his comrades.  
  
"Right now," Yet another voice said. God, how many voices are there?  
  
"YOU!" Evan stood up angrily.  
  
"Down boy," Pietro replied, putting his hand up to keep Evan from going psycho on him. Yes, Evan was recently taking a break from the Morlocks, so don't ask questions.  
  
"I'm not a dog," Evan replied curtly.  
  
"You sure act like it, yo," Todd said brightly.  
  
"Well, yo mom's a dog!" Evan said to Pietro.  
  
"Oh, oh, oh! What now, what now?" Pietro asked, zipping back and forth, making a mockery of Evan.  
  
"We start trading 'Your Momma' jokes?" Scott sighed, not being able to believe it.  
  
"It's 'yo mamma,'" St. John corrected. "Not, 'Your Mama.'"  
  
"Y mamma's so fat that she sat on a rainbow an' all the skittles popped out!" Evan shot at Pietro.  
  
"Well, yo mamma—Wait, no. This is better, Yo auntie's so fat that she flew in the sky and got stuck!"  
  
"Are you insulting my mamma?" Freddie asked, lumbering over to the two bickering.  
  
"Yo mamma's so fat, she went out side in a red dress and everyone started singing, 'Hey! Ho! Kool Aid!'" Evan shot at Pietro.  
  
"Ooh! How about this one," Todd said brightly. "Yo mamma's so fat that when she went scuba divin', all the whales started singin' 'We are Family!'"  
  
"I don't get it!" Fred said.  
  
"Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked down the street her legs have a conversation. 'So, how's it goin'?' 'Good, and you?'" Pietro snickered.  
  
"Yo mamma's so mean--" Evan started.  
  
"I don' even KNOW my mamma!" Pietro whinned, hugging Wanda. Everyone looked at Wanda to back up this information.  
  
"Sadly, it's true. She died and we were raised by Romanian Gypsies until our father found us," She relayed. Everyone nodded and continued the fighting.  
  
"Can ve all just stop ziz fighting?" Kurt wondered, walking into the fray.  
  
"NO!" Pietro, Evan, and Todd all shouted.  
  
"Oh! Here's one!" Todd giggled. "Yo mamma's so ugly that she has the gift ta change into other ugly people!" Dead. Silence.  
  
"YOU LEAVE MIEN MOMMA OUTTA ZIZ!" Kurt roared, launching himself at Todd. While those two fought, Evan and Pietro, who had unlatched himself from Wanda, continued the match.  
  
"Can't we all just tell Yo Tantie jokes?" Remy wondered, looking down at Rogue. Remy had taken up the entire window ledge because of how he was sitting, forcing Rogue to sit on his lap. Not to say that Rogue wasn't pleased, it was Logan who wasn't.  
  
"Yeah, so it'd be like, yo tantie Mattie's cookin' is so good that ya'll have ta use a stomach pump jus' ta' get tha leftovers?" Rogue wondered.  
  
"Exactly!" Remy said, hugging Rogue tightly and kissing the top of her head, where hair covered her skin. Over in the other corner, Logan growled.  
  
"No! We can't do that!" Evan said.  
  
"Oh! I got another one!" Pietro snickered. "Yo mamma's so blind that she walked into a bar and said 'Ouch'!"  
  
"THAT'S IT!" Rogue yelled, jumping off of the Remy seat and launching herself at Pietro. Soon a full fledged war was going on between Rogue and Pietro, (who had a black eye, and Rogue had had the wind knocked out of her.) and Todd and Kurt. (Todd had a bloody nose.)  
  
"Should we break this up, Charles?" Mystique asked, looking over the assembly of adults and Piotr.  
  
"I agree, I don't enjoy them insulting Magda," Magneto agreed.  
  
"No, I rather enjoy seeing them insult you, Raven, since none of us have the heart to do it ourselves," Xavier replied, chuckling.  
  
"Oooh..." Mystique fumed.  
  
"What's the matter? Mad 'cause you can't hit the old parapalegic? Let's get a stand in, Erik?" Xavier looked at Magneto, who growled.  
  
"Are you stealing my gig?" Logan asked, his eyes narrowed.  
  
"You mean the lumbering around and growling and slicing up half the landscape gig? No, no, not at all," Magneto snickered.  
  
"At least he doesn't wear a dorky lookin' helmet!" John shot from where he was betting on who would win the fistfights.  
  
Now it had turned to Rogue and Pietro pulling each other's hair, and Todd and Kurt were now wrestling on the chandelier.  
  
"STOP!" Jean yelled angrily, using her TK to pull the fighting couples apart. Everyone surveyed the damage. Rogue had a rip in her shirt, and her tights. Pietro had a black eye, and was cradling his elbow, Todd had a bloody nose and a black eye, and Kurt...  
  
"I would be black and blue, except I already am," Kurt confessed.  
  
Remy walked across the foyer and hugged Rogue from behind, causing her to jump a little, and giggle ("A sound I thought I'd never hear," Kitty mused.) and smile.  
  
"Well... well... Ah..." Evan struggled for a joke, just to annoy Pietro.  
  
But Pietro got their first. "Yo mamma's so ugly, she look like you!"  
  
"That was below the belt, man," Lance whispered, shaking his head.  
  
"Even for Pietro," Scott agreed. 


End file.
